


Eternity

by AJ_MOON28



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel's Angelic Grace (Supernatural), Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, M/M, No Smut, POV Multiple
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24543109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJ_MOON28/pseuds/AJ_MOON28
Summary: Over ten years. It took him more than ten years to realize what he was feeling for me.I wrote that in less than 5 hours. Thanks for reading.I do not own any of the characters.Credit to "Supernatural" for bringing the "Boys" into my yard.Also as usual, thanks to anu to be my ghost reader. I Love you.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel & Jack Kline & Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. One

Over ten years. It took him more than ten years to realize what he was feeling for me. More than ten years of longing, hoping, disappointment and so much more. He still hasn't told me. But I know he figured it out, in the last place I suspected it to happen. Purgatory.  
Though it makes sense. Last time we were there he couldn't give up on me either.  
Purgatory does influence one in ways no other places does. What's hidden comes out and not only monsters.

I'm not sure what to do now. What had led us in this situation that he felt the need to pray. I should've told him what I suspected about Jack's soul, shouldn't have kept it, shouldn't have tried to fix it alone. That failing will never leave me. I know.  
Mary's death is partly my fault. So he had the right to be mad at me. But it hurt. It hurt when he said "if something happened to her, then you are dead to me". It hurt so much. Still I let him do it to me. I deserved it. And worse.

One thing followed the other. There was no way out and then, oh then he almost shot Jack.  
I thought he'd do it. He was so angry, so convinced that Jack was evil.  
He couldn't do it. I never felt a relief as that one.  
Jack died anyways. Chuck, aka god. He did it. It crushed my heart seeing my son lying dead on the ground with half of a smile on his face. Dammit that looked creepy. Afterwards Chuck broke the world.

I knew there were still words unsaid, things unsettled between Dean and me. I knew it would blow me in my face one day sooner or later. Even though I apologized more than once, he wouldn't listen. What is it with humans that they never listen? 

I know Sam didn't blame me, not really, he mostly blamed himself and he understood. But damn, I didn't know how much longer I could stand Dean's wrath.

On my lowest point a filthy Demon possessed my dead child. A fucking Demon! Dean didn't care. I think he didn't notice nor was he interested in how my heart bled when I saw the corpse of my son being abused like that. It was unbearable.  
Of course the Demon betrayed us, as if we didn't expect that. They always do. I burned him into crisp and Jack's body with him. Didn't even know i was still able to do such things. Anger and loss is a strong motivator I guess. I almost sobbed afterwards.

Rowena died. She died because of me, I know that. She died 'cause I did the right thing. Sam was so sad, he almost broke but still he understood. Dean on the other hand was radiating with anger.  
As I tried to explain, to apologize again, not only for that, for everything, his anger exploded. He blamed me for everything. I couldn't handle it anymore. I just couldn't.  
I never forgot what he had said to me. So I brought it up.  
Not able to just swallow his anger as i usually do i snapped. It was too much.

I needed to leave, had to clean my head. I could see he regretted his words in the instant he said them. I heard his soul crying for letting me leave but i couldn't stay, i just couldn't. His conscious mind didn't stop me. I think in that moment I didn't want to be stopped.

I know I should at least have had read Sam's messages but I was overwhelmed with grief for everything I lost.  
Jack, my home, my bestfriend and my love. Although the last one was only for me to know. I never really told anyone. Except that one time I almost died in that barn a couple of years back. I said it out loud. Luckily I cought myself and saved my ass with added words.

I think Sam suspects things, I'm pretty sure he does. He never said a word. And I can't read him like other humans. Must be the Demon blood. Sure he bad cleansed his soul from its effects, cleansed himself from everything Demony. But it's stil in him.

I never answered Sam's texts, didn't want to explain why I left, didn't want him to worry, didn't want him to intervene, okay I didn't want him to be in the middle of this. He always kinda is. I'm done doing that to him.

Time passed, I came along pretty well. Than that case came along. I needed "official" clearance. Of course I wasn't lucky with the "FBI" check up. Dean picked up not Sam. He asked a few questions, basically ordered me to answer my texts and hung up. Goddammit. It was so good to hear his voice but it also drove me mad that I was treated like that.

The djin was killed, I saved some people and I realized I shouldn't step out. Not in times when the big bad was Chuck, my own father. I had to be there, no matter how bad the feelings were, no matter how bad I was treated, I had to be there.

I returned home. It didn't feel like home anymore but also it did.  
Sam had something, someone. Eileen. I never knew her before, she died and now she was back. I could see love and happiness radiating from Sam. He hugged me, hugged me, welcomed me home. Dean was nowhere to be seen.

We looked for my brother Michael who wasn't in the cage anymore. Obviously Chuck had opened every door in hell.

Michael had changed. He had changed a lot. Ten years in the cage will do that. Adam, half brother of Sam and Dean, was okay too. Even though he wouldn't stay with his half brothers he kinda forgave them.  
Michael gave us a way to defeat Chuck. Of course that involved going back to purgatory.

Dean and I jumped right in. We talked a little, I apologized again, Dean blamed me for leaving, I blamed him for not stopping me but at least we were talking.  
The leviathans took me. I fought hard, I fought so hard, it took me everything.  
While fighting I heard a prayer, a prayer from Dean. What the hell? He opened his heart, opened his soul to me. It was like a bright warm light shone on me. His words reached my heart, made me strong. I could feel his love pouring out to me. Have always known what he felt for me but he never said a word nor did he act on it. I always understood his reasons for not doing anything.  
Here we were, me mostly fighting for like, him thinking I might die, again. I remember how it was for him the last time I died, really died. Sam told me some, I'm sure there was more. Dean was close to confessing back then but as usual things happened.

I won against leviathans, even managed to get what we needed to fight Chuck. As Dean found me he hugged me, tight as he didn't want me to go anywhere ever again. He wanted to talk it out but there was no time. Aslo I felt the need to stop him.  
I simply said "You don't have to say it, I heard your prayer".  
He looked kinda disappointed but noticed the time issue.  
That was the moment I knew he realized, probably for the first time ever, how strong his feelings towards me really are.

It's been so long that I don't know how to handle this now should I confess how I feel? Shall I wait till he does? What do I do now?


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dean's POV

Why didn't I realize that sooner? Why did I had to almost loose him again to finally figure it out?  
Fucking Purgatory! Dammit! I almost blabbed out the L-Word during my prayer. As if the tears weren't enough. Sam was damn right, I love chick flicks.

I didn't even knew how to make things right. Yeah, Cas hid things but I know, always knew he did what he thought was best.  
Loosing mom a second time really broke me. The fear alone of loosing her already broke me. Still I couldn't kill the kid, I wanted to but I really couldn't. Sam and Cas were right. They are mostly always right.

Whatever made me that angry at Cas didn't simply went away. It got worse. I could see what I was doing to him, I actually didn't wante that but damn I couldn't stop. When he said "Maybe I should move on" my lips moved without thinking.  
"Maybe you should."  
So he left.

For once I let him go, really let him go. I wanted to stop him, I could see he wanted me to stop him. After all these years I can read his little expressions like a book. The begging eyes, the frown, the everything. This one time I didn't want to see.

After my prayer I found him. Fuck was I grateful that he was alive. I hugged him tight, so tight, man it was too obvious.  
I wanted to say more, so much more, more than I ever said to him. He fucking deserves so much better.  
Cas didn't let me finish. Of course I knew we didn't have time, of course he heard my prayer but something really wanted out.

Sam bailed on using the Orb. I don't know what Chuck did to him but Sam kinda lost hope.  
I couldn't help myself, I threatened Chuck. Man that was scary as fuck. Seems like I have a death wish. Better than saying the L-word to Cas though, I think.

The things I want to say to Cas linger inside of me but I can't get them out. So much is happening.  
Chuck playing with us, taking everything from us, even our luck. Fucking Garth had to save us! I like him but damn, being saved by a werewolf, not to mention a dentist werewolf, is so fucked up.

We gambled back our luck, well not exactly but we kinda got it back. Pagan gods are viscous. I don't get why she let everyone leave after we loose, after Sam lost. Maybe his puppy eyes worked on her, maybe she was just sick of being Chucks muppet, who knows.

When we come home, I can't believe my eyes. Cas looks scared to look me in the eye. Why? A figure loosens from the back. Holy shit! It's Jack! How?  
That's why Cas looks so scared. He thinks this will make me angry. He thinks I'm still mad at Jack.  
Sam hugs the kid and woah that's so innocent I can't believe that Jack ever touched our mother. Sam totally forgave Jack so I figure I can too.  
I don't hug him though, not sure what to make of it all. I look him in the eye. He looks at me like he did at the grave yard when I was about to shoot him.  
I really was damn close to shooting him. The trigger didn't pull. No matter how much anger there was in me, my trigger stayed in place.

Jack explains his mission. Wow, it's a lot. Contrary to his mission he helps us to get Kaya back.  
A big win, that's what I call it. Jody took Kaya home.  
This feels good, this feels right, feels like we actually stand a chance.

A new task comes to Jack, he has to get a special object. That one angel, Anael, told us the object we search is an hell.  
Yeah sure we go back to hell. Man we've been there quite often now. A couple of years ago I would've laughed about the thought of the casual hell visit alone, not anymore.

The angel lied. I'm not even surprised. We return to the bunker and find Cas kinda dying in a chair. Jack chills next to him, explaining what Cas is up to.  
Luckily Cas doesn't die but we still have a little argument about it. Nothing big though. I just can't stand the thought of loosing him. I think he knows, that's why he let's me say what I have to say. I call him an idiot but I don't really mean it.

We finish the task with Jack. Something we thought impossible happens. Jack is sitting at a table crying. I haven't seen him cry since he lost his soul.  
He feels guilty I can see it, he understands, he apologizes for what happened to mom, really apologizes. What the hell? Cas enlightens us. Jack has his soul back.

Jack is begging for forgiveness. I remember how it was when Sam got his soul back and the time he walked around soulless. Now I understand, really understand. I finally forgive Jack. It wasn't Jack who killed mom, not really.  
Soulless Sam almost had killed Bobby back then but Bobby forgave him. Also mom is happy in heaven with dad.

A weight I didn't know I had leaves my heart as I look at Jack crying over things he can't change. I do the most not Dean thing. I go over, give him a fatherly hug and tell him "I forgive you Jack. I'm glad you are you again. Good to have you back."  
He embraces my hug, still crying but slowly relaxing in my arms.

After I let go of him Sammy hugs him too, tells him similar things. Maybe more 'cause he had the soulless experience too, he understands way better.  
Cas looks, well stares actually, at me with his big blue eyes. Have they always been that blue? Yeah they have. I simply tried to avoid to notice. My lack of success is hilarious.  
I think Sam is so sick of our little staring contests.

Cas still stares. His face tells me that he is relieved about what I just did. I'm trying to get a hold over my anger after what happened in purgatory, I really am. It seems like it had gotten easier to control the anger after admitting the problem.

Cas even throws a little smile, his usual half smile. Oh lord, how I missed seeing it. He didn't smile like that in a long time. I think not since mom died.  
I'm so fucking in love with him. I'm so screwed.


	3. Three

Those two idiots. Will the ever admit their feelings for each other? It's been years! Basically since they know each other.  
The staring, the mess they are when either of them dies, the soulful looks, the hugs which are tighter than any other hug they give. Do they even notice how obvious they are. I guess not.

Why is Dean hiding these feelings? Does he think I will think less of him? I don't care if he's straight, bisexual or whatever. All is fine with me. I just wish for him to be happy and Cas makes him happy.

They are doing it again, the eye fucking. It's kinda annoying. I'm glad they made up in purgatory or whatever, I really am. Dean was unbearable when Cas wasn't here.  
I bet he had something to do with Cas leaving in the first place.  
Dean's always a mess when someone bad happens to Cas.

As usual I clear my throat to snap the two out of whatever they were doing. I'm so sick of them doing it. It's time to do something about it.  
I'm not really sure if I really should intervene but I have enough of their ongoing denial. It's pathetic. They could've been happy together for years if they would just get their heads out of their asses.

There were moments when I thought something more would happen, I hoped so hard but lately I'm hopeless.

I couldn't let Cas bear the Mark, I just couldn't. I know what it did to Dean and what he almost had done to Cas in the end. No, there is no chance I let Cas go through this.

Jack looks at me as the two basically jump away from each other. Hilarious. He has a questioning look on his face. I just shoot him a 'I'll explain' look, he nods, barely noticable.

Maybe Jack and I can work together to help these Morons, now that he has his soul back.  
Holy shit, he has his soul back! I didn't think it was possible.

Dean catches himself first. "So, what's the next step?"  
"I don't know yet. Billy will tell me when it's time."  
"Great. So we have bubkis."  
"I wouldn't say bubkis. Jack has his soul back. My son is back."  
Dean looks at Cas with heart eyes. He hasn't looked at Cas like that since mom died. I'm glad we are past that phase.  
Cas looks back at Dean with the same heart eyes. Yepp, I definitely need to do something about them. We are at the endgame here and hell they both deserve more than just soulful looks, longing looks, eyefucking or whatever.

We decide to let it go for today. I wink over to Jack.  
"Hey Jack, would you like to watch a movie with me?"  
He understands. "Yes Sam. That would be good."  
"You guys want some company?" Dean asks halfhearted.  
"Nah, just a little bonding, you know."  
"Fine. Whatever. Just don't show the kid a chick flick alright. "  
"Yeah yeah." I roll my eyes.

We don't go to the 'Deancave', can't believe Dean really named it that way, no we go to my room. Jack and I need to talk this out.  
"So get this Jack. Cas and Dean are in love, have been for ages but the two idiots are to sucked up to admit it."  
"You noticed too? Of course you did. You've known them for years. I only had two years with them."  
"You knew?"  
"I think everybody knows except Cas and Dean."  
That makes me chuckle. "Yeah you're right."  
"Whay do you wanna do about it?"  
"I don't know. But I can't stand it anymore. Tell me Jack, would you like them to be happy?"  
"Of course I would. And now they can since the Deal is off."  
"What Deal?"  
"Uhm, Castiel made a deal with the Shadow when I was in heaven. He did it to safe me. He made me promise not to tell. I'm not sure if he knows the deal is off. Since I was in the empty when I was dead. For the sake of everything Billy cut a new deal with the shadow. Billy promised to send Chuck into the empty when he dies and to help the shadow back to sleep."  
"Woah woah. That's a lot. Why didn't take the Shadow Cas in an instant?"  
"The Shadow wanted to torture Cas. He should live his life and when he let himself get really happy, only then it would come for him."  
"Damn. You say that deal is off?"  
"Yes it is. Billy, the Shadow and I swore the deal in blood. We all have our parts to play. The Shadow was just messing with Cas when he went there in order to get my soul back."  
"Oksy. First of all Cas needs to know that the deal is off. He might be more open then. Secondly we don't tell Dean about the deal. It would destroy all the progress they made after purgatory. Third we have to get them to finally confess their feelings for each other."  
"You make it sound so easy."  
"Right. Yeah easy. What do you think I did the last eleven years?"  
"Oh. That long? Wow."  
"So that's why I brought you in. Maybe your fresh eyes can help."  
"I'll do my very best." Jack sounds very serious and excited.  
I'm sure he is into our plan, well the plan we'll come up with somehow. Jack is such a great kid, it feels like he is our kid for real. Not in the 'we made him' way though. That would be weird. He just feels like a Winchester.  
"Okay Jack let's brainstorm."

We come up with one plan after another, all sound good but not doable for Dean and Cas. They are so deep in the closet even Narnia wouldn't find them.

After what feels like eternity we decide to end our conversation for today and get some rest.

I lay awake long, wrapping me head around what could help Dean and Cas to finally be happy but all my thoughts only will go wrong because Dean is Dean. Maybe I should simply let go.


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be a mix of Dean's and Cas' POV, bare with me here. It made sense for me to write this particular chapter like that.
> 
> I'll mark whoms POV is showing each time I shift.

*CAS  
Sam was totally obvious when he left with Jack. I think Dean knows it too. But neither of us would call Sam out.

After a while Dean says goodnight and leaves me alone with my thoughts.

I don't regret the deal with the Shadow, would do it all over again. But as long as Chuck is out there I can't allow myself to fulfill the conditions of the deal. No happiness for me right now. Not that the one thing which would make me happy was even possible to happen.

Sure Dean has realized what his heart had known for ages buy as long as he doesn't say it to me, as long as he doesn't let action follow his unsaid words, I'm safe from being happy.  
Knowing Dean, I won't ever be really happy. That's his biggest flaw. Not being able to accept this side of him.  
He was tought it was wrong. He isn't homophobic or against anything like it, he just can't accept that he might roll that way. 

I've seen his doubts everytime a guy flirted with him. He liked it, even thought they were hot but his dad's voice always ran through his head, telling him feeling that way is wrong.  
Sam doesn't know because Sam never showed any interest in anything romantic until he ran off to Stanford. There he was with a girl so John was okay with it.  
But Dean, he was caught that one time. I don't think he even does remember, giving the fact that he was drunk.  
John cut him a new one that time.

John was a messy father but he was Dean's hero. Dean would've done anything to make him happy so he let John treat him like he was crap, let his personality down, buried it deep down, so deep down. 

I've known for forever. Since I gripped him tight and raised him.from perdition. It was written all over his soul. I never mentioned it, knowing he'd freak out about the things I know.

I hear Jack calling after a long time sitting there and thinking.  
"Cas? Are you there?" He uses angel radio.  
"Yes I'm here Jack."  
"Can I talk to you? It's important."  
"Sure. What is it?"  
"It's about the deal with the Shadow."  
"What about it?"  
My eyes definitely widen as I hear what I never expected to hear. My heart grows three sizes and I ask him like five times if this is really true. I can't believe it. That changes things, changes them in a way, opens the one possibility I never dared to dream of.

*DEAN  
Cas stayed where he was. I'm walking of to my room.  
Jack has his soul back, who knew. I could see in Cas' eyes that he was genuinely proud of Jack, relieved to have him back, full of love for the nephilim. I couldn't help it I had to stare in Cas' soulful blue eyes. Those eyes which have seen so many things, witnessed so much bad, rarely any good but still were full of hope and love. Maybe even with love for me, who knows.

The last few days showed me things were possible. Things we couldn't have dreamed of. I mean getting Sam's soul back was one thing, it wasn't burned off. But getting back a burned away soul was a whole new level of chance.

I feel hope, so strong, I don't think I ever felt it that strong before.  
As I enter my room I figure that I really want to finish the conversation I started to have with Cas in purgatory after he came back into my life.

A memory, long forgotten, pops in my head. Me being kissed by a dude, not any dude, it was Lee, my best friend once upon a time. Lee who I had to kill not so long ago. Suddenly i remember him pressing his lips against mine, i remember me enjoying the feeling, i remember dad giving me hell for it. I remember that was the moment i buried that particular part of me, remember dad continuing for a long time giving me hell for it.  
Sammy doesn't know. Dad only did it when we were alone.  
I was so young, barely sixteen. How was I supposed to know that dad was wrong telling me the things he told?

I burried this side so deep I forgot that it ever happened. After it was always awkward for me to being flirted at by guys. I had my fair load of guys flirting. I could never respond appropriately, never understood why it was so weird and off for me.  
Then Cas became a part of my life. Slowly, very slowly things began to change.  
It still took me till now to understand who I really am. I like girls but I do love Cas, guess that makes me bisexual.  
Admitting that to myself does something to my heart. Not as big as admitting I L-word Cas, but big.  
A faint ring of what dad said echos in my ear but it slowly fades into darkness and I know I'll never hear his words again. I am who I am.  
I just know Sam will accept me. He never had a problem with anything like that.  
I can't go to sleep now, definitely not. My heart, my soul, my whole me is in sync like never before. I can't, I won't wait any longer. Eleven fucking years is way too long.

*CAS  
"Cas, if you can hear me, please come in my room. I need to talk to you."  
Dean is praying to me. Sounds urgent and there is something else I can't quite point out. Of course I walk, almost run, to Dean's room and knock.  
"Cas?"  
"Yes, it's me."  
"Please come in."  
It's rare that Dean sounds so polite. Something must be off.  
I open his door and get in. He greets me with his widest smile. God how had I missed his smile. It's been so damn long since he smiled at me. Somehow his smile makes me feel lighter.  
Dean clabs on his bed, the free space next to him. "Cas, please sit here. This will be easier when you sit down."  
Something is different about him. His eyes are open, directly looking at me. His soul shines bright, brighter than I remember. I can't look away from him.  
I do as he asked, sitting next to him, still looking in his beautiful green eyes. I'm so close to him. Usually he would put up some speach about personal space but he doesn't. He doesn't even seems to be bothered by my closeness.  
"What is it Dean?"

*DEAN  
"Well, the conversation wasn't over back in purgatory you know." I say to Cas.  
As he sits next to me, so very close, staring at me with these sapphires I stumble over my words.  
"I told you I heard your prayer."  
"Dammit Cas. I know you did. Just let me get this out. Please?"  
I must sound pathetic or something 'cause his already wide eyes widen even more. He only nods.  
"Look, I'm sorry man. I know moms death isn't your fault in particular. I'm sorry I got so angry, I'm sorry for the way I treated you. I took you for granted even after you died and came back. I shouldn't have counted on you not leaving me no matter how much of an ass I was to you. You had every right to leave. I'm really sorry Cas."  
Phew, that wasn't as hard as I expected. The next part will be harder, that's for sure.  
"Dean. I don't know what to say. I'm glad to be welcomed here again. I'm glad we have Jack back. I'm glad he has his soul back. Dean I'm just glad we are on good terms."

*CAS  
I don't know what else to say to Dean. I can barely concentrate on anything with him looking this intense at me, with him being so close that our faces almost touch.  
Dean's internal change radiates through the room, drowning everything bad ever happened to him.  
I've never seen him like that before. It's addictive, I'm not able to look away. I need to drink in all his energy, his opening, even his apologie, which to be honest wouldn't have made any difference at this point.  
Dean chuckles at my last sentence. "Me too Cas. But, well, that's not all I want to talk about."  
I see him taking a deep breath. I start to hope for the hopeless, to hope for the impossible. No way this is happening.

*DEAN  
Cas looks at me with eyes full of something I rarely see there these days. Hope. And something else.  
His eyes are so loud nothing else on his face needs to talk. His lips, chopped as usual, are almost closed.  
I catch myself staring at his lips for a second, thinking what it would feel like to kiss them. Man, concentrate Dean! You have to tell him before you can do that. You have to give him the chance to say what he feels.

*CAS  
Dean clears his throat. This is serious.  
"What I wanted to sat is uhm you know. Man, this is hard."  
"Dean." I try to help.  
"I'm good, better than good. Just give me a moment."  
He takes a deep breath.  
"Cas, I have feelings for you. Very strong feelings. I burried them under layers till I didn't notice they were there. But they were. Since the day i first met you, back in that barn."  
Wait, really? I mean I knew but hearing it is something completely different.

*DEAN  
"Dean, I have strong feelings for you too." Cas replies hopefully.  
As if he is scared to say too much. But the hope in his eyes tells me he want us to be on the same page. And the way this is going I think we are.  
"Actually my feelings have been strong since I gripped you tight and raised you from perdition. Your soul, so beautiful, touched me in ways I'll never understand."  
Woah what a confession that was.  
"Is that why you always were closer to me than to Sam?"  
He simply nods, takes a deep breath and adds a few words. "Don't get me wrong. I love Sam as he were my brother. But it's not brotherly love I feel for you."

*CAS  
Did I just say that? According to Dean's face i did. But for once in our time together Dean doesn't push me away. No, he looks at me with big eyes pouring out an intense longing, never had it been that strong before.  
"Cas i had no idea."  
Well that's what he thought. He didn't really know how my feelings for him were. Sure he had a vague idea but not more with this barrier inside of him. Which I notice now is gone. I'm looking deep in his soul, can't find a glympse of what happened with John so long ago. It's completely gone. Dean is whole, is free, is finally himself. When did that happen?

*DEAN  
Sometimes I wonder what Cas sees in me when he stares at me. Can he see anything? Can he see everything? More than I can? Also his confession made me stumble a little. He basically confessed that he loved me. And all I said was that I had no idea. I need to do better than that, i can do better.  
"Back to the point. Cas, I'm grateful that you are in my life. I dont want to loose you ever again. You are not only my best friend, not only family, you are way more to me."  
"I Feel the same way."  
He tries to encourage me I can feel it. That bastart knew, all the time, he knew! Why am I even surprised. Of course he knew. Still he let's me play it out for my sake of saying it out loud.

*CAS  
Dean saying that I'm more to him made my heart jump. I couldn't help it, I had to return the favor.  
Now Dean is still looking me in the eye and I see it ticking behind his eyes. He is realizing that I know what he is trying to tell me. He is realizing i had known for a long time and never said a word. He is realizing what he could've had if he hadn't been stuck. But not anymore. His eyes grow willful.

*DEAN  
"I'm in love with you Cas."  
There! I said it. The big L-word. Well not exactly but it will follow. Cas' lips raise to the most beautiful smile I've ever seen on his face. Damn he is beautiful. I need to kiss those smiling lips now. Please let me kiss those lips.  
I wait for Cas to reply to my last words though.  
"What took you so long? Dean, I'm also in love with you, have been for a long time."  
I smile at the Smallville reference, Metatron did a good job with uploading the pop culture in Cas.

*CAS  
As soon as I said it Dean doesn't hold back anymore  
He tilts his head, which is actually pretty rare, normally I do that, slowly comes closer.  
Our lips touch each other and woah a warm bright feeling runs through my being. Feels a bit like grace but so much better.

*DEAN  
His lips are damn soft, not what I expected from their chopped look. What I feel when our lips touch can't be put in words. I feel whole, for the first time in forty one years I feel whole, as if I've waited for this exact moment.  
Cas returns the kiss, so deep and desireful, full of passion. He waited much longer for this. He had lived way longer, he will live longer than me. But I don't care about that right now. We'll deal with it somewhere in the future, after Chuck. Right now I just wanna be with Cas, feel him, touch him, kiss him. Gosh, yeah, i love him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling? I'm actually quite satisfied with this. Especially regarding the time it took me to come up with that.
> 
> One last chapter will follow for closing.


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter.
> 
> Thanks for reading.
> 
> I had so much fun writing it. As said it took me less than 5 hours to write it down. Putting it up here took longer though.

I lingered in the hallway near Dean's room, thinking how I could help Sam to get my dads together.  
As I felt Cas coming closer I made myself invisible, just learned how to do that.  
Cas entered Dean's room. I stayed invisible, couldn't help it had to eavesdrop a little. I wanna know what's going on. Maybe it will help.

Turned out they didn't need any help after all.  
Whatever happened between them in purgatory changed something. I could tell. Dean was lighter, Cas was happier.  
Especially after I relived him from the fear of being happy. He radiated with hope for something.  
Reading Cas was pretty hard, angel and stuff. Reading Dean felt wrong so I try not to do it despite the fact I could. I'm sure soulless me would've done it without hesitation. Now my fresh returned soul won't let me and I'm fine with that. I can feel again, I'm really me again.  
Yeah Mary hurt, what I did to her hurt. But during our conversation Sam assured me that he knew how I felt and that I wasn't really to blame. Still the guilt will stay with me for a long time, maybe forever.

What I hear from inside the room pleases me to no end. They are talking, really talking, about their feelings for each other.  
Dean open like a book I could read him out here without even trying.  
Cas radiating with so much energy that it touches my grace. My grace growing, trying to feed his fading grace as he leaches out to feel Dean. Feeding is not necessary.  
When they kiss, I know they do, the energyburst inside of Cas feeds his grace to full seraph power, even grows his wings back. I'm not sure Cas realizes but he'll find out.  
Love is so powerful. Heals every soul, every heart and apparently broken Angel's too.  
I should walk away. Soon Cas will notice my energy. I'm basically radioactive with happiness.  
I think about Sam and how worried he looked when I left him. I walk towards his room, stretching my feelers a little. Yepp, he is still awake. I knock.  
"Yeah?" He answers.  
"It's me, Jack."  
"Come in Jack."  
I open the door, enter his room.  
"What is it Jack?"  
"We don't need to worry about Castiel and Dean anymore."  
"What? How do you know?"  
"Well. I kinda spied on them. Sorry."  
"Just don't tell them. What did you witness?"  
"They talked about their feelings for each other and they kissed. Cas probably doesn't know yet but he is full angel again. The energy fleeting through the door was gigantic. That's when I left."  
"Really? They kissed?"  
"Yeah. I'm sure."  
"Thanks for telling me Jack. That makes me happy. I'm so glad. They both deserve each other. Did you tell Cas that his deal was off?"  
"Yes I did, just before he went to Dean. I'm happy for them too. I'm more motivated now than ever to defeat Chuck and find a way to let them stay together for forever."  
"We will defeat Chuck, Dean and Cas will stay together till the end of times. If it means I have to turn Dean into an angel I will do it. No more hurt. They have been through enough."  
"I wish for you to be happy too."  
"If, no, when we beat Chuck, hopefully I'll live a good life with Eileen and the tree of you. The bunker is big enough for all of us."  
"Thay sounds like a good plan."  
"Okay, let's beat Chuck!"

The End


End file.
